I am on ok

I am finally doing better since I am posting.  Look for more tomorrow or  the next day.  Thank you for all  the patience.

Hospice

I am now in home hospice care listening to my dog bark...protecting me of all the other dogs moving down the sidewalk.  I am laying in a hospital bed they brought over. Out of necessity.,. No.  Comfort yes.  And heck it was free.

I was able to talk with my sister the other day.  That was nice. She should be someone to look up to with anyone with cancer.  She and I both are missing something on our DNA which is a cancer syndrome.  I am sure if I knew the number of chemo cycles she has had it would make my jaw drop.  Hers began pre 2003?

Deanna's taking a vacation right after valentines day.  I am very happy for her, she needs a break.  We both need to take a deep breath.

To describe hospice its all about pain management and comfort.  To that end FedEx came yesterday to deliver a package.  Cookies?  Cake?  Nope some wickid meds they call a comfort pack.  A doc has to approve the opening upon a nurse request.  Now its in the fridge by some veggies.

My mind is good.  Happy Saturday.

How do I top the last post?

My mind is numb.  I know what was told to me and I understand the ramifications of what was told to me.  We are at a point where they are looking for more things, we cant just say, hey lets give him this heavy drug with these hard side effects where possibly he can  have a  month or 2 of what kind of quality of life.  There is one thing I am hoping to get an answer tomorrow which will allow the possibility of something working for a while.  That one I will embrace.  But my main goal moving forward is to wake up and have a good day.  And the next day have another good day.  And make sure I do this without pain and as comfortable as possible.  If the 2nd chemo worked, I am sure I would be back at work doing my thing, but that is just not the case.  I will miss the HR Block clients, my co-workers, and all of the wonderful people I have met at Xerox.

So the news wont change much.....figure on a daily basis I will get a little more knocked down.  My ability to do much of anything is limited.  Today and recently its vastly improved, but its not to where it was 3 months ago. 

The blog will continue.  I will hold nothing back.  I am a dying man.  But on the other hand, I am a man who is very much alive who still has a really good attitude.  There will be posts of reflections, some fun posts, some wishes, etc.  I am going to have some fun with it.  An example, I had a mole.  I plucked a hair out of it, (now that's appealing).  During a HR Block Class I could either listen to someone talk about deductions or study my hair.  That darn hair was the strongest thing on my body.  Now why was that.  Thick, good root structure.....this could be used as the newest weld or something.  As the mind kept going, I was asked a question.  Oops....but I still wonder about that.  If I had hair that strong on top of my head, I would be long gone, but my hair will still be there....

Ok- time to turn off that topic.  I appreciate all who are sticking with me and hope to see most of you soon.   My abilities sometimes don't equal my hopes.